This Week in God

The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert Reports:

Too Much Fucking

I've recently received an email complaining about my use of the word FUCK in the blog. I'm going to ignore the fact that such a small word has such power in this numbskull's life. A word is only given power by you. It's your choice to be offended by words, I personally choose not to be. Did you know that 100 years ago the word 'humbug' was considered profane?

This 'grammar' lesson should clear up my position on the word FUCK:

Big Media Sucks

Fuckin-A!

I’m sure you folks know how important a morning radio show is as you begin your day. Nothing beats that morning mix of talk, humor and music as you're getting ready for and driving in to work. A bad morning show can leave an empty, unfulfilled feeling in your gut.

Well… After 9/11 I took to listening to talk radio for a year as I prepared for the day, the need to keep abreast of new developments in the war on terror taking over for the need to be entertained. But you can only take so much talk radio before you go insane so I began a search for the perfect mix of talk, humor and music. It took me six fucking months to decide on a show. I gave everything available on the radio a try, finally finding a great show called K&M in the Morning (a.k.a. Karlson and McKenzie) on WPDH a local classic rock station.

Incidentally, since K&M came aboard, WPDH became the #1 radio station in the Hudson Valley (where I live).

I know, you’re thinking, why should I care?

I’ll tell you.

WPDH is part of Cumulus Media a fuckin’ huge media group, in fact it’s the second largest radio company in the United States and corporate media is killing good radio.

First we have Infinity Broadcasting and that ridiculous FCC battle with Howard Stern. No, I’m not a listener of Stern, but I hate censorship. If you don't like it, turn it off. Keep the gov'mint out of it. Kudos to Howard for trying to fight them.

Now we have Sony and other record companies under investigation with the NY State Attorney General for buying ‘spin’ time for such artists as J-Lo and Jessica Simpson. In essence, creating fake hits by buying time and bribing program directors:

Payola Shocker: J-Lo Hits, Others Were 'Bought' by Sony
Spitzer Evidence To Be Handed Over To FCC

Like I said, corporate media is killing radio, I mean really, who fuck can listen to those caterwauling, screeching cows?

Anyway, apparently there was a contract dispute between Cumulus and K&M, one that prompted the team to leave the station. Narratives of the Weird has contacted both the general manager of WPDH and Kevin Karlson for statements, as of this posting, neither have responded.

If and when they do, I’ll post them.

Back In Black

The Daily Show's Lewis Black:

PFÜKKE Me

Daily Show Style:

It's Not Magic, It's Vagic

The Daily Show's Ed Helms reports:

TDS Couch Brutally Slaughtered

If you're wondering what happened The Daily Show Couch, The 'Weird Blog has obtained this secret footage from SSI (or, as it's assuredly known, Suckass Sets International). It's a brutal gruesome death that makes clubbing baby seals look like hugging pandas.

http://www.ssiworld.com/watch/videos/couch.swf

Note: This footage is not for the faint-hearted. Please, before you watch what SSI has done to this poor, defenseless couch, have the children leave the room.

Today We Weep

The Plame Game

How it all went down, The Daily Show's Samantha Bee reports:

Homeland Security

Your Daily Show Clip O'The Day:

Daily Show Clip O'The Day

Hurricane Coverage

Judy, Judy, Judy

Judith Miller Crusading Underdog or Political Shill for the NYTimes?

Hell I don't know but, as she's wasting away in Lesbian Summer Camp (A 'Werd Blog perjorative for her prison-like housing), I thought I would post this musical tribute to this heroic crusader for journalistic truth!


Judy gets SkumChiken's Underdog Award for Pointlessly Defending Honor and Principal (to explain: 'cuz either no one cares, or it's already been defended or shielded ad nauseum)... Thank you Judith for protecting a source who's already been revealed... or are you? Is there someone else, someone more embarrassing to her and the NY Times if they were exposed…. hmmmm?

Oh. My. God.

Guantanamo interrogators forced male suspect to wear bra

LOLITA BALDOR
IN WASHINGTON

UNITED States interrogators at Guantanamo Bay subjected a suspected terrorist to abusive and degrading treatment, forcing him to wear a bra, dance with another man and behave like a dog, military investigators said yesterday. ...full...

Hysterics aside, it sounds suspiciously like a Gay Pride Parade after party.

Send Liquor

A bunch of you asked, 'Where do we send the liquor you're always crying for?'
You send it here:

Narratives of the Weird
30 Church St.
Port Jervis, NY 12771

A bunch more said, 'Gee, I feel funny asking my liquor store to ship.'
Well, you can always visit this site: http://www.67wine.com/
or more specifically here: Whiskey!
(and the neat thing about this site, orders over $99 get free shipping!)

A cynical few asked, 'Why should I send booze to you guys?'
To be quite frank, do you honestly think we can put together a website like this without a little grease for wheels?

A bunch more asked, 'Are you guys alcoholics?'
Not yet, but with your help we feel it's a goal we can reach!

We want to give a huge and hearty thank you to the really great folks who sent us the bottles of Gentleman Jack last month... mmmmmm good. We really, really, love you guys, you're the best, no really you're our best friends, god we love you...

Do You Believe In Ghosts?

You're not alone. According to a recent poll, 1 in 3 of you share the belief!

NEW YORK Gallup reports today that its latest poll found that one in three Americans "believe in ghosts." 32% of all adults say they believe that "ghosts/spirits of dead people can come back," while 48% do not, and 19% are unsure.

A larger number of Americans believe that houses can be haunted, with 37% saying yup, 46% saying no, and 16% not sure.

A neat political turn: 42% of liberals saying they believe in ghosts - but only 25% of conservatives and 35% of moderates saying this.

Belief in ghosts declines with age, 45% of 18 to 29 year olds believing, while only 22% of folks 65 and up think ghosts are real.

Disney Tries to Kill Another One

Girl Critical After Riding Disney's 'Tower Of Terror' Ride

Local6 News in Florida is reporting that 'a 16-year-old girl is in critical condition after riding the "Twilight Zone Tower Of Terror" ride at Disney-MGM Studios at Walt Disney World' ...full story...

Further down in the article we learn:
"Florida's major theme parks are not directly regulated by the state, and instead have their own inspectors."
Hmmmm... so far, so good!

What's Judith Hiding?

Rush Limbaugh asks, what's the Times and Judith hiding?



Gee, think there's sumptin' more going on here than previously thought?

Reporter Held Hostage in Lesbian Summer Camp Enters Day Seven

New York Times investigative reporter Judith Miller remains a hostage in a washington D.C. area lesbian sex pit for refusing to give her source to a federal prosecutor.

Her tortures are explained below via a NYTimes article excerpt:
Remember: There are no bars in the 70-square-foot cell that Judith Miller calls home.

“Though the jail is considered maximum security, the layout of the eight-story building is reminiscent of a dormitory, with cells lining the outside walls and a lounge in the middle.

The 450 inmates live in cells with doors and windows rather than bars, and are spread through housing units holding up to 90 people each where they are supervised by one or more deputies, said David Rocco, a captain in the Alexandria sheriff's office.

In the lounges, inmates can watch television, play cards or otherwise be outside their cells except for shift changes and head counts during the day and for eight hours at night.

Inmates may make unlimited collect calls and have radios and CD players in their cells, and have access to programs taught by volunteers.

Oh my god! The humanity!
Sad thing is, she can leave Lesbian Summer Camp whenever she wants by simply obeying the court order. ... but, maybe she feels she needs to take her licks.

Monday Sexcapades

A few headlines...

Bonuses for bikini-clad bathers anger South Korean women's group

Cattle Wed in 2,000-Guest Thai Ceremony

Guess what? Men don't mind seeing naked women...

Strippers Arrested in Alleged Spanking

Ohio man charged with exposing his breasts

...and last, but not least:

Granny grows tired of prostitution at age 63

... to help get ready for a hard week...

Great new shirt from TShirtHell.com

FoxNews Blowhard Makes a Point

Whether or not you like the guy, occasionally Bill O'Reilly makes a great point... last night was one such occasion:

Who?

Statement claiming London attacks
The BBC has located an Islamist website that has published a 200-word statement issued by an organisation saying it carried out the London bombings.
The organisation calls itself the Secret Organisation Group of al-Qaeda [literally the base] of Jihad Organisation in Europe.

who? my gosh, the name is right out of a monty python skit.

The group not previously been heard of. The website has previously carried statements purporting to be from al-Qaeda. It is not possible to verify such claims published on the web.

This is the full text of the statement.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"In the name of God, the merciful, the compassionate, may peace be upon the cheerful one and undaunted fighter, Prophet Muhammad, God's peace be upon him.

Nation of Islam and Arab nation: Rejoice for it is time to take revenge against the British Zionist Crusader government in retaliation for the massacres Britain is committing in Iraq and Afghanistan. The heroic mujahideen have carried out a blessed raid in London. Britain is now burning with fear, terror and panic in its northern, southern, eastern, and western quarters.

We have repeatedly warned the British Government and people. We have fulfilled our promise and carried out our blessed military raid in Britain after our mujahideen exerted strenuous efforts over a long period of time to ensure the success of the raid.

We continue to warn the governments of Denmark and Italy and all the Crusader governments that they will be punished in the same way if they do not withdraw their troops from Iraq and Afghanistan. He who warns is excused.

God says: "You who believe: If ye will aid (the cause of) Allah, He will aid you, and plant your feet firmly."

Yeah... I know where I want to plant a foot...

Bird Flu?

Officials Investigate Mysterious Bird-Kills Along Atlantic Coast

Wildlife officials do not know what is killing birds along the coast from Virginia to South Carolina.

Virginia Beach, VA -- Wildlife officials are trying to determine what is killing hundreds of sea birds that have washed ashore in Virginia Beach and other locations along the Atlantic coast in the past several weeks.

Similar reports have come from the Outer Banks of North Carolina; as well as Myrtle Beach and Hilton Head in South Carolina.

Most of the birds are greater shearwaters, which are now migrating north from their breeding grounds in the South Atlantic.

Since June 12, more than 500 dead sea birds have been reported from Maryland to Florida, said Emi Saito, a wildlife disease specialist with the U.S. Geological Survey's National Wildlife Health Center in Madison, Wis.

"It's unusual to see so many," Saito said.

Wildlife pathologists are examining the birds for exposure to toxins, pollutants and infections, she said. ...more...

Let's hope I'm wrong...

Brave Reporter

From the: "Finally, An Elitist Reporter Sees The Light" Files:

According to the Drudge Report, Matthew Cooper will do the right thing and reveal his source. Remember ladies and gentleman, the source committed at worst treason for revealing an active CIA operative to the press...

'I went to bed ready to accept the sanctions' for not testifying, TIME mag reporter Matthew Cooper said. But he told the judge that not long before his early afternoon appearance, he had received 'in somewhat dramatic fashion' a direct personal communication from his source freeing him from his commitment to keep the source's identity secret...

Oh, and Judy, enjoy the lesbian prison sex...

Oh Moonbat, My Moonbat

From the "Tin Foil Hat" Files:
Russian Astrologer Sues NASA Over Comet
MOSCOW (AP) - NASA's mission that sent a space probe smashing into a comet raised more than cosmic dust - it also brought a lawsuit from a Russian astrologer.

Marina Bai has sued the U.S. space agency, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 late Sunday "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," the newspaper Izvestia reported Tuesday. A Moscow court has postponed hearings on the case until late July, the paper said.

The probe's comet crash sent up a cloud of debris that scientists hope to examine to learn how the solar system was formed.

Bai is seeking damages totaling 8.7 billion rubles ($300 million) - the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost - for her "moral sufferings," Izvestia said, citing her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."

NASA representatives in Russia could not immediately be reached for comment.

Scientists say the crash did not significantly alter the comet's orbit around the sun and said the experiment does not pose any danger to Earth.
Copyright 2005 Associated Press. All right reserved.

Hungry? Have a FrankenSpud

Does Genetically Engineered food make you sick?
I didn't know which side of the debate I was on until I happened to watch this video:

It's a 14min. clip from Pen & Teller's Bullshit! which airs on Monday's at 10pm on Showtime.
(I personally can't afford Showtime or HBO or any of the premium cable stations, hell I barely afford basic cable and my internet connection, but I am lucky enough to have a friend who tapes it for me... enjoy, and if you can, WATCH THIS SHOW! It's one of the best on TV.)

As we're grilling and feasting this July 4th, please, by all that's holy, please, remember the people who would give a limb for that burger you were too full to finish!

World Hunger is a pet peeve of mine. Humans like to think they're so smart and so compassionate and so great, but my good Great Aunt Bessie, if we were, would we let so many of our own starve to death? What a fucking waste.

mmm mmm good

Thai Fishermen Net 646-Pound Catfish

BANGKOK, Thailand - This big one did not get away. Thai fishermen netted a 646-pound catfish believed to have been the world's largest freshwater fish ever caught in Thailand, a researcher said Thursday.

The nearly 9-foot-long Mekong giant catfish was landed May 1 by villagers in Chiang Khong, a remote district in northern Thailand, and weighed by Thai fisheries department officials, said Zeb Hogan, who leads an international project to locate and study the world's largest freshwater fish species. ...more

Skipping ahead....

Fishermen eat record-sized catfish

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Fishermen in northern Thailand have caught the biggest catfish on record -- a 646-pound (293-kg) giant the size of a grizzly bear -- and eaten it... ... more